


The Darkness That Dwells Within

by TheRainbowFox



Series: Thasmin Week - January 19 [4]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, I'm Sorry, Nightmares, Past Lives, Telepathy, Thasmin Week (Doctor Who), Thasmin Week 2019 (Doctor Who), Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 04:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17521652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainbowFox/pseuds/TheRainbowFox
Summary: Ryan, Graham and Yaz all come back to the TARDIS after being unable to sleep for days. Sensing some kind of foul play, the Doctor hooks herself, and the TARDIS, into their minds to fight what is ailing them. As she sacrifices herself to save them, can Yaz bring her back from the brink?





	1. Just a Bad Dream?

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SORRY IN ADVANCE I really did not mean to have at poor team TARDIS so badly.  
> This one pretty much wrote itself, because I thought about it for three days on and off.  
> I absolutely promise you there is a happy ending to this.

Thasmin Week – Prompt Four – Angst

 

“Hey fam! Woah, hold up, what’s up with you lot? Never seen you look so…”

 The Doctor paused as she watched her three companions stumble into the TARDIS. Ryan tried to stifle a yawn, but failed, the sound ringing throughout the console room. Yaz slumped herself against the console itself, eyes barely open. Graham followed suit, the first to finish the sentence.

 “Tired?”

 Then Ryan chimed in.

 “Exhausted?”

 And finally Yaz.

 “Worn down by a complete lack of sleep for the past five days?”

 Quickly pulling the sonic screwdriver from the inner pocket of her coat, the Doctor buzzed around her companions, taking note of the fact none of them even uttered the bare minimum of a complaint. Normally, they hated when she sonic’d them. Bringing the glowing device up to her eyes, she furrowed her brows and placed her free hand on her hip.

 “Yeah, no kidding. You lot have barely managed ten hours between you. Even by Time Lord standards, that’s dire. I leave you home for a bit and all this happens. Anyone care to fill me in, can’t get my head around these readings. They’ve gone all funky.”

 

There were plenty of reasons that would explain why her wonderful human friends would be unable to sleep, but none of them sat right with her. Her worry only increased when none of the three replied to her question. The TARDIS chimed in with a few beeps, which at least appeared to cheer the Time Lord up.

 “Oh, good idea. Clever old girl. Right gang, let’s get you all off to bed.”

 A spattering of groans was at least some kind of response.

 “Come on, maybe you’ll sleep better in the TARDIS. She insists. Chop chop.”

 Waltzing around to the side of the console Graham was leaning against, the Doctor gently nudged into his shoulder and deemed him head of the line. Next up was Yaz, who required much more manoeuvring. Gently taking hold of her shoulders, the Time Lord guided her to follow Graham. Ryan had enough autonomy left to follow the others on his own. Quickly scooting past down the corridor, her attention turned to the room that appeared before her eyes.

 The TARDIS had gratefully created a new sleeping space, for the purpose of study. Or, for the Doctor to make sure her friends actually did try and sleep. The dark room had three single beds, equally spaced, taking up the centre. Each had a dim light above it, just to illuminate where it was. Off to the side, was an arm chair. The Doctor waited for her companions to catch up before gesturing towards the beds.

 “Look, I know it’s gonna be weird, but it will be fine. Just lie down and try and get some rest. Please.”

 Graham, uttering not a word, was the first to take a bed. Kicking his shoes off, he slid under the covers and quickly lay his head down. Ryan made some kind of exclamation that was quickly followed by a yawn. He copied what his grandad had done, sighing as his head hit the pillow. Yaz lingered back, her half open eyes barely registering her confusion.

 “Doctor…what is this?”

 With the greatest care and thought, the Doctor walked towards her companion, hands in her pockets and trying to smile. As the TARDIS let out a low series of hums, she tried to answer with her softest voice.

 “Yaz, I know this all seems very weird right now, and I’ll be honest; I’m just as confused as you. But this will help me work out what’s going on. Can’t have my fam not sleeping. Can’t have my Yaz not be in tip top form. Now, let’s get you into bed.”

 Wrapping her fingers around the cuff of Yaz’s leather jacket, the Doctor guided her towards the bed. She helped to untie her boots, placing them down the side before pulling back the duvet. Yaz tried to take her jacket off, but found it much more difficult than usual. With a low whine, she dropped back into the bed. Wordlessly, the Doctor helped remove it, before bringing the duvet back over her resting companion.

 “Promise it will be okay…”

 Weak words caught the Time Lord’s attention.

 “I promise.”

 Stroking her hand through loose black hair, the Doctor pulled back as she watched Yaz finally settle. All three lights turned off, leaving only one above the chair left on. As the TARDIS quietened her machinations, the Doctor took her seat. With a furrowed brow, she pulled the sonic screwdriver back out, trying desperately to make sense of the readings. Her only option now was to wait and see what happened.

 

Having no concept of time was irritating. Especially whilst inside a time machine. Part of her wished she had a watch, but knew it would be utterly useless to her. Idly drumming her fingers against her legs, the Doctor dropped her head into her lap and muttered something in an incomprehensible language. Her words were met by a low beep from the TARDIS.

_‘Oh. Right. Yaz might have her phone in her jacket. Good idea.’_

 Trying to get off the seat as silently as possible, the Doctor crept towards the neatly folded jacket on the floor. Hand outstretched and grabbing hold of the electronic device, she tapped the screen once to have a look at the Earth time. She had picked her gang up at somewhere around midday, at least, that was what she was told to do. The phone time read 12:21, which seemed perfectly plausible. Just as the Time Lord was about to tuck the phone back, a noise startled her, causing the phone to drop from her hand and onto the leather. Lifting her head up, she looked over at Yaz, who appeared to be twitching and mumbling. And, from the looks of things, sweating.

No sooner could she go to take a closer look at Yaz, did Ryan stir. Much louder. He groaned and twisted in the covers, legs attempting to kick the duvet away. Again, the Doctor was unable to decipher what was being mumbled. Graham completed the trio, except his words were clear. And what the Time Lord heard broke her hearts.

 “No…it can’t have come back. Anything but that, please. Grace. I don’t want to be in chemo again.”

 She quickly abandoned her position by Yaz, taking her place besides the older of her companions. Nightmares were something she knew about all too well, but the Doctor still found herself confused. Something was definitely wrong with the situation.

 How could all three of her companions be suffering, simultaneously?

 Straightening herself up, and glancing up at the ceiling, the Doctor began to pace around the room as quietly as possible. Every now and again she would catch a phrase or sentence finally coming from Ryan and Yaz. Each of them seemingly trapped inside their own personal hell. Ryan would talk about his mother. Yaz had briefly mentioned to her what she had found out about Ryan’s past. That he was the one to find his mother in the kitchen when she died. Judging from the uncharacteristic whimpers and cries, that was the moment he was reliving.

 It was harder to work out what was going on with Yaz. She seemed to be drifting between very different utterances. Sometimes she would mention ‘dishonourable discharge’, which the Doctor knew was a serious thing. Other times, she would mention Prem. Obviously experiencing flashbacks from their trip to the past. At one point, the Time Lord swore she heard her companion call out for her, but quickly dismissed the notion.

 “There has to be something I can do to help them. Or figure this out. None of this still makes any sense.”

 The TARDIS offered a few quiet beeps, causing the Doctor to stop pacing and smile weakly.

 “Oh, you know I could. And I would. But we both know that you would have to take the brunt of it. I can only reach one of them at a time, and that’s no use to anyone.”

 A comforting presence wrapped itself around the Doctor’s mind. The TARDIS was right, she could use her telepathy. Take a look inside the minds of her companions and see what was going on. But that left her vulnerable, and scared minds were more likely to venture inside her own. She also swore of ever using her innate ability ever again, for many reasons. The other option was to use the TARDIS’ telepathy herself. Link both of them up through all three of them, combine their experiences and go from there.

 But that posed so many risks. Risks that shook her to her bones.

 “Doc.”

 “Doctor.”

 “Doctor…please…”

 As if sensing her internal turmoil, all three companions weakly called out from their twisting and turning. There was no way that that was a coincidence. Closing her eyes, the Doctor let out a frustrated sigh. Once again, the TARDIS soothed her. Almost urging her forward. Giving her permission to interfere, to use their shared minds to solve the problem. There were few things that the sentient ship and the Time Lord agreed on, often involving vague arguments and childish tantrums, but they still understood each other better than anyone else in the universe.

 

The thief and the blue box.

 

“Right. Okay then. If that’s what you think then I’ll go get ready. Oh, and thank you.”

 Taking a final look back at her companions, the Doctor headed towards the door and gently stroked a hand down the frame. She needed time, but not much. Just enough to get cables and pads and to calm her racing thoughts. It was easy to leave once the TARDIS responded and shifted the console room almost immediately out of the corridor. Armed with her sonic, the Doctor shuffled underneath the console and began removing various panels and coverings.

 “I promise I won’t hook up for too long. Just enough to fix whatever is going on in there. I don’t want to run the risk of…you know. Be easier for all of us. Can’t have them running around in the consciousness of either of us.”

 Thin cables were slung over her shoulders, sonic buzzing away at the golden light inches away from her face. The TARDIS was warm, and strong, and oh so dangerous if given the opportunity. Looking into her heart was nigh impossible, even for her. Consuming it killed her, nearly. Still, with both their brains combined, neither would let the other falter.

_‘Okay, Doctor. Focus. I’m sure your friends won’t mind you or the TARDIS invading their privacy. Maybe. They did ask. Sort of. Just hook up and go.’_

 With sonic clenched between her teeth and cables following behind her, the Doctor made her way back to the room her companion’s dwelt in. Dim orange lights illuminated her surroundings. Very little had changed in the time she was away, which was either a good thing or a bad thing. Or both. Letting the cables slide off her shoulders and onto the floor, the Time Lord set to work. Small pads were fixated to the end of each cable and carefully placed on the temples of Ryan, Graham and Yaz. Two more cables followed and sparked once in range of the active sonic screwdriver.

 “Can you see them?”

 The TARDIS hummed.

 “Okay. Just me next then.”

 The Doctor placed the cables, with pads attached, against her own temples. Fear began to cause her stomach to churn and body shiver.

 “You know the drill, if anything bad happens to them then get them out. Do NOT pull me unless I say so. Get yourself out of any harm before coming for me, understand? Easier to patch me up than to get a new you. I’ve been through much, much worse.”

 Placing the sonic next to one of the cables and closing her eyes, the Doctor smiled as her finger pressed against the button.

 

Click.

 

“Geronimo.”


	2. Nightmares and Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three companions. Three separate nightmares. One selfless Doctor.

Dark. Everything was much too dark. It was impossible to get any kind of bearings or sense of where she was. She knew her arms were in front of her face, but that was about it. Stumbling through the murk, sound caught her attention. It was faint, barely audible, but there. Something to steer her. Guide her. She followed the sounds, relying on her ears alone. Left. Right. Left again.

 “Hello? This is a bit awkward, isn’t it? Not exactly what I was expecting.”

 As the sounds grew louder, the faintest glimmer of light appeared. It was all the Doctor needed to start running. Thoughts of her companions filled her mind as the light began to change shape and the noises instantly vanished.

 The Doctor stopped suddenly, feet almost coming from underneath her as her boots slid across sudden ground. A tiled floor. She found herself, apparently, in a hospital. Eyes scanned the empty hallway. To the right, the world seemed to vanish back into the darkness. To the left, there was one single door. Behind her was just a blank wall. Hands fumbled in pockets, causing her to groan as they came up empty.

 “What? Do I not get me sonic in here? Urgh, I _hate_ empty pockets…”

_‘Only option is to go to the door, I guess.’_

 Only a few steps were needed before she reached the door, hand hovering over the handle. She could hear voices inside, both of which she recognised. Crouching down and placing her ear against the door, she took a moment to gauge the situation she found herself in.

 

“It can’t be back. It just can’t.”

 

“I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry.”

 

Words fell into quiet sobs as the Doctor straightened up and put her weight on the door handle. As the door opened, she looked on at Graham sitting alone on a hospital bed. Tears stained his trousers, face covered by his hands. She had barely seen him cry at Grace’s funeral, somehow managing to keep everything inside. Much like she did. It was admirable. Making her way around the door frame, she silently closed the door behind her. Comforting others was not high up on her list of skills, somewhere about middle. Even then, she only won over through logic and experience.

 However, there were a few things still bothering her; why did she hear Grace? And why wasn’t she in the room too? Her mind harkened back to the encounter with the Solitract, initially sensing foul play. But even then, the Solitract only hurt as a means of defence. Not outright emotional torture. Hands in her trouser pockets, the Doctor made her way forward.

 All Graham could feel was pain. Pain in his eyes, his lungs. Pain searing through his body like the chemotherapy radiation that burnt him. Every cell of his body burned.

 “Graham?”

 At the mention of his name, Graham lifted his head, eyes bloodshot and swollen from crying. For a moment, he looked scared. Terrified. Like he was about to scamper behind the bed and hide. But soon his face softened, fear replaced with confusion.

 “D-doc?”

 “Yeah, sorry to interrupt. Thought you could use some support.”

 

Allowing herself into his personal space, the Doctor took a seat close by on the bed. Unsure of where to go, she kept quiet, waiting for some kind of prompt. Both of them sat in silence for a long time before Graham found his voice again.

 “Sorry Doc. Don’t think I’ll be able to travel around with you lot anymore.”

 Turning her head to the side to take in the fragility of the moment, she let Graham continue.

 “Y’see…it’s…”

 More tears began to well in his eyes.

 “It’s the cancer. I don’t have a lot of time left. Maybe a few days, if I’m lucky. Not enough time to sort things out for Ryan…he’s gonna have nobody left. I’m sorry Doc.”

 Tears fell and pained sobs echoed around the empty room. The Doctor shuffled across the bed and wrapped her arms around Graham, holding him tight. She rested her head atop his own, trying her best to comfort him with her presence. Without knowing the full danger, she was unsure what words would be best.

 “It’s alright Graham. You’re going to be alright. I’m here, okay? Things are going to be just fine, promise.”

 Disregarding the fact she had no answers and no idea what would happen, the Doctor pressed on.

 “You honestly think  I’m just gonna let anything bad happen to you? You’re part of my fam. Besides, I’ve got a feeling that none of this is-”

 Jolting away from Graham, causing him to jump as well, another voice broke through her supportive speech.

 

“MUM!”

 

That voice. It sounded…

 

“Doc, that’s Ryan. But. Why is he shouting his mum?”

 “Wait, are you sure? ‘cause I know I heard him but it sounded too high pitch.”

 A hand came to rest on her shoulder, holding tight. Scores of pain ran through her body as she watched Graham stand up and tense. There was only one course of action. The Doctor rose up, making eye contact and trying her best to smile. On the inside, she was panicking for a second time.

“Doc, I know his voice anywhere. That was Ryan. But what’s he doing in the hospital?”

 Lifting a hand to her shoulder and taking hold of her companion’s own, The Doctor pulled Graham along as she opened the door and ran through the hospital corridor. Evidently she was not going to get the chance to explain what was happening, not like she had any real idea. But some things were slowly settling into place. As the two ran, the space around them began to shift and distort. Soon, both of them ended up and a wooden door. Turning to look behind her, the Doctor noticed that the world had been consumed by the darkness again.

 “Graham. _Don’t_ look back.”

 Before he could object, Graham found his attention drawn to the sound of crying coming from behind the door.

 “Is that…that sounds like a kid crying. Why is there a kid crying?”

 The Doctor shrugged her shoulders, eyes turning towards the handle of the new door.

 “Dunno. But, I never refuse to help. Even a child. Especially not a child. Come on Graham, let’s see what’s behind door number two.”

 As the Doctor placed her hand on the door handle, a sharp pain ran through her temples, causing her to hiss and wince. Whatever was behind that door, did not want to be found. Through gritted teeth, she pressed on, cautiously peering behind the opening door. Behind it, lay a kitchen. Not one that belonged to the hospital, more like one in a small family home. Floral wallpaper lined the walls, a small window looked out onto a tidy garden.

 Graham popped his head over the Doctor’s shoulder.

 “This isn’t right…Any idea where we are?”

 “Again, no idea. But the crying is coming from in here. Stay close and don’t touch anything.”

 Pain continued to spark through her temples, but it didn’t stop her from moving forward. With Graham following quietly behind, the Doctor entered the kitchen and took a moment to look around. She had only been in two kitchens in this regeneration; the one in Yaz’s flat, and the one in Graham’s house. This looked like neither of them. Although it held the same, classic charm that Graham’s had. As her eyes passed the small dining table, she paused and held her arm out to keep her companion back. The sound of the crying child caught her attention.

 

“Mum? Mum, please be alright.”

 As she peered around the side of the table, the voice changed.

 “I’m sorry, mum. I’m sorry. Don’t go.”

 

A few steps was all it took for the Doctor to lay eyes on another one of her companions. Ryan was crouched on the floor, head buried between his knees as he struggled to breathe. Pained wails occasionally came through choked breaths as he cried. Compared to Graham, this hurt the Time Lord more. She carefully lowered herself to the ground, urging Graham to stay put as she made her way over. Much like she had done before, she waited for a moment to announce her presence.

 Ryan’s breathing began to return to normal, the young man lifting himself up slightly as he sniffled. The Doctor quietly called to him.

 “Ryan?”

 No response came. She outstretched her arm, placing a hand on her companion’s shoulder. Having been lost in his pain, Ryan flinched and scrambled to the other wall of the kitchen. Eyes wide, his breathing came back short and shallow and panic washed over him, arms clinging defensively to his sides. As reality slowly sunk back in, the young man paused.

 “Doctor?”

 “Yeah, it’s alright. Only me. Well, me and someone I hope you recognise.”

 The Doctor turned her head around and ushered Graham over. Tentatively approaching, Graham gave a small wave and a soft smile.

 “Alright son?”

 “Grandad?”

 In an unusual display of physical affection, though completely warranted given the circumstances, Ryan quickly stood up and stumbled over towards Graham. The two held each other close, giving the Doctor enough time to stand up and just appreciate the small moment. However, having two of her companions back meant that eventually she would have to begin explaining what was happening. And it was Graham who spoke up first.

 “Doc, what in blazes is going on here?”

 Stepping away from his grandson and keeping his arm over his shoulder, Graham pointedly looked over to the Doctor. Despite being a very harsh look, the Time Lord knew it was from a place of fear. Something she was slowly beginning to unravel, under the intense drumming headache.

 “Like I said, still trying to figure it out. Not sure if either of you would be able to understand anyway. You’re both…a bit raw and I don’t want to make things worse.”

 Ryan looked over to his grandad, taking a moment to wipe his nose of the sleeve of his shirt.

 “Nought much worse than seeing your mum on the floor again…”

 “Or being told…you know.”

 Graham still couldn’t bring himself to say the word. Rubbing her fingers against her temples and grumbling, the Doctor gave in.

 “To cut a very long and un-proven theory short, something is in your dreams. Your memories. Making you see the worst things you can think of. Don’t ask me why, still figuring that one out.”

 The two men looked at each other, trying to process what was going on around them. On paper, it seemed like a vaguely plausible idea. Ryan still remained more confused.

 “Yeah, but, if this is a dream…then how’re you here? And Graham. ‘cause, like, no offence, that can’t be possible.”

 “To cut another very long story short, yes it is possible. And it involves me and the TARDIS…getting inside your heads. Just, don’t panic. Please. I’m not gonna go anywhere you don’t want me to. The TARDIS is keeping a very close eye on what goes on. Also, just a word of warning, don’t go poking around in my head…please?”

 

Another shot of pain appeared, threatening to tear her skull apart. The Doctor stumbled into one of the kitchen counters, fingers digging into her scalp as she hissed. Ryan and Graham appeared on either side, helping to lift her back up to standing.

 “You alright Doc? That’s the second time this has happened.”

 Keeping stable against her companions, she sighed.

 “Yeah. I think so. Don’t worry about it. Totally fine. Well, not totally. Starting to think someone, or _something_ , doesn’t want me messing around in here. Can’t imagine why. I’d say I’m doing a good job of sorting you lot out. Although, begs the question… If I’m with you, then where’s-”

 

“PREM!”

 

Right on cue, her musings were broken by another scream into the strange world around them. Ryan was the first to stand on guard, mouth hanging open as Graham simply nodded his head.

 “Yaz. That was Yaz. Doc, we gotta go help her!”

 Ryan ran to the door, looking over his shoulder towards Graham and the Doctor, panic returning to his eyes. Graham soon followed behind, eyes watching carefully as the Time Lord edged her way in front.

 “I know. Thing is, I don’t know what we’re gonna walk into…”

 As she held onto the door handle, her voice faltered. Both companions questioned her in turn. The Doctor tried her best to explain.

 “Ryan, your worst fear is your mum. Or, rather, what happened to her. Graham, yours is…don’t worry, I won’t say it. But we both know. Yaz is different. Very different. Before I came in here, both of you gave me clues about what was going on. Had a bit of an idea what to expect. But Yaz…she kept drifting between things. She has a lot more to deal with than both of you put together. And that’s actually kind of terrifying. Anything could be out there.”

 With a quick glance shared, Ryan and Graham both put a hand on the Doctor’s arm. Hazel-green eyes scanned over both of her companions before a smile came onto her face. Wordlessly, she knew they supported her. They always did. Even if sometimes they didn’t see eye to eye.

 “Thanks fam.”

 As the three ran out of the door, Graham warned Ryan about not looking back before realising that they had stepped into the void itself. Both of them nearly collided with the Doctor, who was observing and listening. The sound of a gunshot broke the silence, causing the Time Lord to speed off ahead of her companions. There was no real indication she was going in the right direction as the darkness stretched on, until she saw a figure appearing in the distance.

 By the time the boys had caught up, the doctor had stopped again, both arms out in an effort to block their path.

 

“ _Don’t move_.”


	3. The Doctor Falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sacrificing yourself for the ones you love is never easy. And an angry Doctor is not someone you want to cross.

Three sets of eyes fell onto the back of a young woman who stood alone in the darkness, back towards them. A flash of light altered the darkness to the dry wastes of India, scene set for a memory the Doctor knew only too well. Except this time, Yaz was spectating.

 

“PREM!”

 

The voice that broke her hearts was cut out by the same gunshot. As the Doctor took a step forward, there was another flash of light. A new scene played out. A schoolyard full of children, all crowded around something. As the sound of crying and laughter caused her to move forward, she stopped as another shout rang out.

 

“Izzy, it hurts!”

 

Yaz dropped to her knees, her voice cracked and sore from screaming. The Doctor moved again but remained un-phased by the next flash of light. Until she noticed where she had ended up. She was back inside the TARDIS. They both were. She watched in horror as silent argument took place before her eyes.

 She was shouting at Yaz.

 Arms flailed in the air as she paced around her companion, eyes burning with fury and face contorted into a snarl. She watched Yaz follow her, pleading, trying to say something. One voice cracked through louder than thunder.

 

“Yasmin Khan, get the HELL OFF MY TARDIS!”

 

“Doctor…please…I’m sorry…whatever I’ve done to upset you, I’m sorry…”

 

Unable to stop the flood of tears erupting from her eyes, the Doctor leapt forward and collided into her companion. Arms wrapped around the young woman as she screamed in pain, body shaking violently. Her own sobs were muffled into the shoulder of a leather jacket as fingers clung harder to a soaked shirt. Never in a million years did she expect that the biggest fear that Yaz held, was her.

 “O-oh Ya-az.”

 Darkness surrounded her once again, and the feeling of her companion underneath her faded away. The Doctor was alone. So very alone. As white hot tears dried up, hands balled into fists at her sides. Sadness became pain. And pain became fury. Blinding, unfiltered fury. Slowly, the Time Lord rose up, head tilted downward to the ground as she began taking steps forward.

 

“Oh, you think you’re so clever. So very, very clever. But here’s the thing; you’re _not_. Because if you were clever, you would have done so much more to keep me away. Think I can’t take a bit of a headache? Well you’re wrong. Now. Show yourself.”

 Words came out low and spiteful. The darkness shivered, sinking away to reveal a cavern. Standing tall, the Doctor looked out into the void, across the pit, and stared at the creature before her. Its body contorted and twisted in a mass of shadows, lingering over her three companions who absently gazed back. Resting her hands on her hips, the Time Lord shouted into the darkness.

 "So, tell me, what are you then? Because on the outside, you can be whatever you want. Whatever your victims fear the most.”

 The shadows shifted, attempting to take form, scattering between many foes old and new.

 “Thing is, I've seen this before, so don't try it on me. We both know it won't work. And, sad thing is, my friends have seen it before too.”

 The shadows paused, settling back across her companions.

 “What I don't understand is, why. You feed of fear, and rage, and basically all the little bits of emotions that the universe doesn't like you to pay attention to. Unless you're a Dalek. So, you feed on all this, and, what? That's it? But why are you actively targeting now? Searching out more...oh. Oh I get it."

 A screech echoed through the cavern, causing the Doctor to laugh.

 "The universe stopped being scared of you. Creatures with brains realised that they could work their way out of fear and anger. So you had no food left. And you got angry. Used all the fear and hatred you accumulated and used it to target weak minds as prey. Showing them the worst of all their fears, just to keep you alive."

 

_‘This world serves to feed us. We shall consume all.’_

 

A deep voice split through her mind, and for a moment the Doctor faltered, before letting herself laugh again. So much so that her sides began to hurt.

"You made one, tiny, little error though. Well, actually, a pretty big one. You see, those three people you're currently ravaging? They're my friends. Pretty sure I mentioned that. Anyway, their fears are nothing. Absolutely nothing. Barely enough to keep you going for, what, a couple of hours? You need way more food than that."

 

_‘What makes you think you can barter with us? You are **NOTHING**!’_

 

"Here's the thing. My friends are under my protection. And I don't take kindly to people bullying them, or hurting them.”

 The Doctor threw her arms up into the air.

 “Honestly, I'm getting some real deja vu here so I'm going to tell you something I told a friend of mine, before they were my friend. When they tried to hurt my friends.”

 She stepped closer to the edge of the hole.

 “If you want someone, if you want fear and anger and hatred, then you're looking at someone who has lifetimes of it. Right here. I spent four billion years trapped inside my own personal hell, and that does things to a person. I've seen more death and destruction than any living being in the universe."

 The landscape shifted, bringing the Doctor face to face with the swirling darkness.

 

_‘Who are you?’_

 

"Me? Oh, mate, I'll tell you who I am. I have many names, all scattered throughout time and space. Depending on who you ask, I'm a thief. Sweetie. I used to be the raggady man, the guy with the bowtie. But you're looking for something else, aren’t you?”

 The shadows pulled back, releasing its grip on her companions. Ryan, Graham and Yaz slumped down onto the ground.

 “I am the destroyer of worlds. The great exterminator. The oncoming storm. The man who watched his people burn in the Time War. In some cases, I am the Doctor of War.”

 She paused, flashing a mad grin.

 “But, right now, I'm simply the Doctor. And if you let my friends go, right now, then I will give you every ounce of fear and fury that I have held onto for hundreds of years.”

 

_‘Or, what?’_

 

“Or, I will burn you where you stand."

 

With a groan, Yaz stirred, eyes opening just enough to catch sight of the Doctor being enveloped by the darkness.


	4. Do You Fear Me? Or Love Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz meets the darkest parts of the Doctor, but can she wake her?

“DOCTOR!”

 

 Finding it difficult to breathe, Yaz bolted upright and stared into the dimly lit room around her. Turning her head left, she saw that Ryan and Graham, were just about stirring from under their covers. Turning to the right, she saw the Doctor, seated in an armchair with tears streaming down her face. As she tried to move, Yaz found herself tugging against something. Hands wandered up to the sides of her head, fingers catching against wires.

 

 “What the?”

_‘Don’t try to move yet. You’ll only hurt yourself.’_

 She could hear the Doctor’s voice inside her head. But, it was also different.

 

“Doctor?”

_‘No, not quite. I am merely using her voice as we are connected. It is the only way I can speak to you.’_

 

Yaz shuffled further up the bed, fingers still lingering across the wires attached to her head. Her eyes darted back to Ryan and Graham, who were just about getting up themselves.

 

“If you’re not the Doctor, then…”

_'Correct. I am the TARDIS. Or, what you know as the TARDIS.’_

 

“Why can’t I take these things off?”

_‘Because if you do then we cannot speak. And if we cannot speak then we cannot save the Doctor. I have been told not to interfere. However, there was no rule saying that you cannot.’_

 

Ryan was the first to move, gently pulling the wires away from his head and muttering a curse under his breath. Graham soon followed, although a small yelp came from him when he removed the wires.

 

“So you let those two go, why not me? What can I do that they can’t?”

_‘You can do a great many things. I seldom enjoy you…strays. I have only ever approved of one. However, this Doctor holds you in high regard. Therefore I trust her judgement.’_

 

The boys made their way over to Yaz, both looking equally confused as to why the young woman was apparently talking to herself. Ryan placed a hand on her shoulder, lowering himself down to reach eye level.

 “Yaz, you alright? Want me to take those wires off your head? Also, why are you talking conversations into thin air?”

 Hands protectively clasped the pads and wires as Yaz shook her head.

 

 “No. I need to keep them on. The TARDIS wants me to save the Doctor, and I need to keep…well, I need to stay plugged in I guess.”

_‘That’s one way to describe things, yes.’_

 

Rolling her eyes, Yaz turned her attention back to the Doctor as Graham joined their little circle.

 “Anyone else not got a damn clue what’s going on right now? ‘cause I’m pretty lost.”

 With a little help and a few prompts from the TARDIS, Yaz tried her best to explain the situation at hand. Apparently, the Doctor had handed herself over to some alien entity that fed off bad feelings in order to let them go. As such, she was now trapped and needed help, but had forbade the TARDIS from getting involved. As such, the task fell to Yaz due to her ‘high regard’.

 Graham sat himself at the foot of the bed, taking a moment to look over at the Doctor. Despite having just woken up from one of the worst things he had experienced, he felt nothing but sadness for the Time Lord. Her face contorted in pain as tears continued streaming from tightly clenched eyes. Whatever was going on inside her head was not pretty. He looked back down to Ryan, who also seemed to be displaying deep concern for the situation.

 “Yaz. Are you sure about this? I mean, look at the Doc. Whatever she’s up to in there…it’s nothing like what we dealt with. And we needed her help to get outta it. No offence, but how’re you gonna fair in there?”

 “Graham’s right. I trust you’re well up to the fight, you’re a copper, but if the Doctor got us out, are you gonna be able to get her back?”

 

Yaz felt her throat dry up. The others were right. If she was unable to deal with her own fears, how was she going to be able to deal with the Doctor’s.

_‘Trust in yourself. If anything happens, know that I will pull you free and deal with the matter myself. I can be…persuasive to invaders.’_

 

“Ryan, Graham, do me a favour, yeah?”

 The boys nodded in unison.

 “Keep an eye on me. And the Doctor. I don’t really know what’s going to happen, or what I’ll see, but I need both of you to be there. Okay?”

 Placing his hand on her knee, Graham smiled, gently nudging at his grandson with his elbow.

 “You can count on us.”

 “Go bring the Doc back.”

 Closing her eyes and taking a moment to steady her breathing, Yaz shuffled back down the bed, feeling the leg space return as Graham stood up. Trying her best to muster up all the courage in the world, she made her choice.

 

_‘I’m coming, Doctor.’_

 

Her eyes opened to smoke and flame, causing her to cry and choke and cough. The gentle presence of the TARDIS had been replaced by panic and adrenaline. Holding her arm against her face, Yaz tried to look around. Between the crackling of flames, she could hear screams and shouts. All different. All in pain.

 Feet carried her through the burning wastes, eyes desperately trying to find the Doctor. Calling out was impossible, opening her mouth would only allow in more hot air and smoke. She had been trained on how to deal with fires, but this was different. No amount of dropping and crawling would save her. After all, surely it was still only a dream?

 

“D-oc-t-or.”

 

Coughing between each set of syllables, Yaz continued to call out. Her voice was drowned out by the many that echoes around her. Flames licked at her jeans, her jacket, snaking up her arms. It felt like walking across the surface of the sun. But she persevered. She knew the Doctor was out there, somewhere. All she had to do was follow the sounds of terror and fear.

 

 “D-oc-”

 

In between the rising smoke and lashing flames, a shadow crept into view. Flickering in the deep orange glow, like a desert mirage. The figure stood tall even amidst the chaos. Yaz dragged herself further, repeating the Doctor’s name over and over again in her mind like a mantra. The only thing keeping her wading through was that single thought.

 The first thing she saw was a singed coat, floating in the hot breeze. Light grey had blackened and burnt, much like the clothes before it. As Yaz drew closer, the screams grew louder. She lost the ability to tell if she was crying from the smoke, from fear, or from what she was involved in. With each step, the surrounding area began to change. Burning smoke became the scent of charred flesh. Mindless screams of agony soon morphed into agonising chants of ‘Doctor’.

 Taking a deep breath, Yaz moved her arm and outstretched both to place her hands on now visible shoulders.

 “Doc-”

 Words were cut short as the figure spun around. Yaz was greeted with a face she did not recognise, glaring down at her. With each blink, it changed.

 

An old man with white hair and a tweed waistcoat.

A dark haired man in a suit.

A man with white, curly hair.

A younger man with a long scarf.

A man in a cricket jumper.

A man with curly hair and a patchwork coat.

A man in a question mark jumper.

A man in a Victorian-esque suit.

A short haired man in a leather jacket.

A man with messy hair and a blue suit.

A black haired man with a bowtie.

A grey-haired man with that same suit from…

Finally, dark brown eyes rested on the Doctor she had come to know and care so much about. A messy haired blonde woman, with hazel-green eyes and a smile that could melt her heart.

 

But there was no smile. Only a look of pure hatred and rage.

 

“Doctor…it’s me.”

 

Yaz watched as the Doctor turned her eyes towards the flames, before looking back with a twisted smirk. She had seen a brief glimmer of that smile, back with the Dalek. Pale hands made contact with her shoulders and forcefully pushed her aside, causing Yaz to almost drop to the floor.

 “What the heck?”

 The Doctor chuckled.

 

 “Oh, it’s you. It’s you, is it? Come to watch the world burn with me? How kind.”

 She took a step closer, lowering her body slightly. Yaz instinctively backed away.

 “What? Feeling scared are we? I mean, why wouldn’t you be. Just look at all the fun I’ve been having while you were away. Care to take a guess at how man have died at my hands? Go on. Guess.”

 Yaz had been intimidated on the job before. She had been bullied for years. People would hurl abuse at her daily. But the look she saw in the Doctor’s eyes was something else entirely. Her face seemed to be darker, more manic, losing all softness.

 

“Doctor, stop. This isn’t you.”

 The air was broken by a single laugh.

 “I’m sorry, Yaz, but I think you’re mistaken. This is most certainly me. Welcome to the inner machinations of my mind. Not everything you see is sunshine and rainbows. Oh no. You know nothing about me. Everything you’ve seen is a well crafted lie to keep… _this_ …away from you. But now it’s out. And you have a front row seat.”

 This was not the Doctor. Not her Doctor. Yaz gritted her teeth and stood her ground until the Time Lord squared up to her.

 “What’s the matter, Yaz? Can’t even look at me now. I’m sorry to disappoint you and shatter the illusion of grandeur you have given me. Hero worship is such a fickle mistress.”

 

Taking in a deep breath, Yaz lifted her eyes. She no longer cared about the tears streaming down her face, or the fact she was struggling to breathe at all, or that her shoulders burnt from the sheer force of the push.

 “You want to know if this scares me? Then fine. It does. I have never been more scared in my life. All I can see and hear is death and destruction and you…masquerading as some kind of grand orchestrator. Like this is some kind of game. I came here to find you, to bring you home. And I am not leaving until you come with me.”

The Doctor lowered her head, nose brushing against Yaz’s own with the twisted grin still on her face.

 “You want to associate yourself with me? Even with all of this? I have killed thousands, wiped my planet from this very existence, saw my companions burn. Trapped in other worlds. Wiped their minds. Watched them _die_. Slow, painful, agonising deaths. All those who came before you are _gone_.”

 

Yaz felt herself fall forward, hands clutching at darkened suspenders. Sensory overload. Burying her face into the Doctor’s shirt, she cried. Tears soaked into the fabric as she tried to speak.

 “Doctor…stop…I’m scared. I can’t do this. I’m sorry. Please. Come back.”

 Something tugged at the corners of her mind.

 

_‘No, don’t take me back. I’m not going without her. DON’T YOU DARE TAKE ME BACK!’_

 

One hand let go of the suspenders long enough to punch the Doctor in the side with what little strength she had left. Over and over again, she hit, not caring anymore. The person she was clinging onto was not her Doctor.

 “If you don’t want me, then fine. I’ll go. But I will hate you until the end of time.”

 Fear and sadness boiled over into rage as Yaz tore herself away, eyes burning.

 

“YOU HEAR ME DOCTOR? I HATE YOU!”

 

As she felt herself being torn away from the fiery landscape, Yaz swore she saw the shimmer of tears falling from the Doctor’s eyes.

* * *

 

Gasping for breath and tearing the wires from her head, Yaz shot upright and choked out a weak scream. Arms pulled her into a hug but all it serves was to cause the young woman to fall out of the bed in fear. She could feel tears still falling as her eyes became accustomed to the room around her. Graham’s face slowly came into view, arms outstretched and waiting for her to move back.

 “Woah, hey. It’s alright. It’s just me. You’re safe, Yaz.”

 Yaz was safe. On the TARDIS. But in that moment she felt anything but okay. Falling forward into awaiting arms, Yaz found herself crying again. Her sobs were muffled into the older man’s shoulder, arms gently coming around her shivering frame. Ryan quickly made his way over, taking his friend into a hug from behind, effectively cocooning her in a shared embrace. Endless time passed before all three companion’s jumped.

 

“YAZ!”

 Leaping out of the chair and dropping under her own weight, the Doctor screamed, face almost colliding with the hard floor below. As the closest available body, Ryan broke away and slid over towards the Time Lord, offering her a chance to sit back. Pulling the wires from the side of her head, completely ignoring the TARDIS loudly protesting in the background, the Doctor frantically looked around the room until her eyes settled upon her remaining two companions.

“Yaz. Yaz, are you okay?”

 Scrambling away from Ryan’s grip, the Doctor sat herself behind the young woman and slowly pulled her into her arms. Graham moved back, silently shifting around to sit besides his grandson.

 

“Doctor? Is it really you?”

 “It’s okay. I’m here. Everything is going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

 

The two women grasped hold of each other like nothing else in the world mattered, each crying with no fear of how the other would act. They barely noticed Ryan and Graham leaving the room, more than happy to let the situation defuse naturally. Neither of them had any idea what had happened, but it looked pretty bad.

 Yaz was the first to pull away, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt.

 

“Yaz. I’m so sorry. So very very sorry. That creature…in there…I tried to save you and the only way I could do that was letting it take me but I thought I could handle it. All that pain and hurt and sorrow, I thought it would die just looking at it. But I was wrong. So very, very wrong. It took hold of everything I had seen and done and felt…it was worse than the confession dial. I would gladly sit in there for another four billion years. And then you came back and you saw all of that and I hurt you and pushed you away and taunted you and-”

 Unable to take the rambling anymore, Yaz quickly looped her arms around the Doctor’s neck and pulled her close into a kiss. Lips lingered together for a moment before the young woman pulled away.

 “Rambling. God I’ve missed your rambling.”

 The Doctor lifted a hand to her face and pressed a finger against her lips, eyes wide with disbelief. She then pointed the finger towards her companion.

 “You…you just…but I…”

 After being surrounded by screams, tired laughter was music to the Doctor’s ears.

 “How else was I going to get you to stop talking for five minutes?”

 Yaz sighed, suddenly unable to hold the gaze.

 “It’s okay, Doctor. You and the TARDIS saved all of us. She gave me the opportunity to help you back. And yes, I was scared. Terrified. I thought…I thought I was going to die too. But I couldn’t leave you in there. Not after what I saw. And before you mention it. No. I don’t actually hate you. Although, in that moment, I did. But not you. I hated what you were, in there. I guess that’s what you needed to hear to break out on your own.”

 Feeling overcome with emotion, the Doctor tilted her head and placed a surprisingly chaste kiss to her companion’s lips with a smile.

 “I’m glad you don’t hate me. I don’t know what I would do with myself if you did. It’s just as big a fear of mine as it is for you. Me hating you. Which I don’t. And won’t.”

The TARDIS hummed approvingly in the background causing both the Doctor and Yaz to laugh.

 “Come on, Yaz. I think you and I both need some much deserved peace and quiet after all that. Maybe a nap too. I’m proper exhausted.”

 Helping each other up to stand, Yaz clung tight to the Doctor’s arm as the two of them walked out of the room. Peace and quiet sounded like the perfect idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, I actually made myself cry writing this whole thing.  
> And a lot of things were cut from this final edit.  
> Otherwise I hope this came out well aha


End file.
